


if only you could be what i really wanted

by babylwt



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Divorce, M/M, No Smut, Sad, angsty, larry - Freeform, louis has a terminal disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 02:39:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12122724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babylwt/pseuds/babylwt
Summary: Harry wants to get divorced after not being able to spend time with his husband and having him sneak around, but Louis' got a secret that he doesn't want to disappoint Harry even more with.





	if only you could be what i really wanted

“I think we should get a divorce.” Harry says to Louis as he read over the morning paper like he did every morning. Things hadn't been going well in their marriage because of Louis working so much and sometimes he would disappear, saying he was going to get groceries. He would be gone for almost 2 hours and come back with just some milk. Harry just didn't want to deal with it anymore.

Louis’ heart dropped as he heard Harry's voice ring through the quiet kitchen, the kettle going off almost instantly. Louis was packing Harry's lunch for work as he did every morning. He couldn't believe the words Harry was saying. They had been together for almost 11 years. They had been together since they were 15. To know the man wanted a divorce, it broke Louis. Especially because of his situation.

He instantly turned around and swallowed thick, his throat almost feeling like it would close up. “U-Uh, why? I- Harry, we've been together for… God, years. Harry, years. Why are you telling me this now?” Louis asks, his heart wrenching as he couldn't believe Harry didn't look affected.

“I’m just not feeling it anymore, Louis. We're sometimes not together and you go off for literally hours.” Harry says and puts his paper down, looking up at him. “Do you really think I want my husband leaving all the time? Are you cheating on me?” He asks and Louis huffs.

“Are you serious? You really are accusing me of cheating?” Louis scoffs.

Harry looks at him and crosses his arms over the table. “Well, what am I supposed to think when you don't tell me where you go?” Harry says to him.

Louis takes the kettle off the stove angrily and instead makes his tea. “Maybe think about what you're saying before you do so.” Louis says, taking his tea to go and soon leaving the kitchen to the closet. He retrieved his shoes and his coat, heading out for the day for work. He didn't want to deal with this and knowing he had a terminal illness, he would just die alone.

He left to his car with tears, driving to work wiping his wet cheeks. The day went by very slow, Louis wanting it to never end so he wouldn't have to go home and see Harry. It disappointed him knowing Harry had just jumped to conclusions about wanting to end all of this. Louis knew it was partially his fault as he didn't want to tell Harry about his illness, but maybe Harry would leave if he did say something.

He soon arrived home, putting his coat and shoes in the closet. He saw the kitchen light on, walking over to turn it off before he saw Harry sitting there, papers sitting in front of him with a pen sitting next to them.

“I went to the lawyer-“ Harry starts before Louis’ eyes fill with tears.

“Is this really what you want, huh?” Louis asks, his voice a bit shaky as Harry looked emotionless like he didn't even care. “Fine.” Louis gives in and walks over, grabbing the pen as he was about to sign. Harry's signature was already upon the paper, ready to go. Just Louis’ signature and they would be divorced.

“Wait-“ Louis says and looks up at Harry. “I want something first.” Louis tells him and Harry groans.

“Oh, for fucks sake. It's not something you have to buy wth your precious money.” Louis mumbles and looks down at the papers, sliding them over to Harry. “I want something for a month. Before I d- We divorce.” Louis quickly corrects himself and clicks the pen.

Harry furrows his brows and then decides to give in as well. “Alright, sure. What is it?” Harry asks and Louis sighs.

“For… a month. I- I want you to treat me like you did when we were in high school and- and when we first married.” Louis explains. “Like… take me to bed and… just kiss me goodnight.” Louis says shyly. He loved Harry so much. He didn't want to divorce him because he loved Harry more than he did his own life.

“Why?” Harry asks dryly. “Why do you want that if you know I'll divorce you?” Harry asks and Louis looks at him with a glare.

“If you do it for a month, I’ll give you your divorce papers. Signed and ready to go.” Louis promises. He had one month to live and that would give him perfect time to be treated like Harry loved him, even if no longer did.

Harry eventually sighed after a long two minutes, nodding. “Yeah, okay. One month and that's it.” He instructs. Louis nods and tries to look like he isn't so disappointed. 11 years sure didn't mean anything to Harry.

The first night, Harry was a little awkward. He carried Louis to bed like Louis asked, laid him down and awkwardly said goodnight with a kiss to his cheek. Not even his lips which broke Louis’ heart, but he would deal with it. He was still going to his appointments like his doctor wanted, the disease spreading to parts of his body which would make them eventually shut down.

On the seventh night, Harry was a little more easing into it, laying Louis down on the bed, giving him a kiss on the cheek and wishing him a nice night. Louis saw the papers laying down on the dresser that night, Louis sighing. Harry really wanted this divorce and he hoped Harry would be happy once he was gone. It's all that ever mattered to him.

On the thirteenth night, Louis said it. “I love you.” Louis says, his emotions pouring all into his three words he spoke. Louis was weaker by the day, but Harry didn't seem to notice. He couldn't lift heavy things and he wasn't like he was before. A little more paler, but nevertheless always happy and looking forward to Harry to put him to bed. Harry didn't say anything, leaning down to peck his lips this time, Louis smiling into the kiss.

The days were closer to the mark of the last day of the month and Louis was getting weaker everyday. He would sometimes not get out of bed, but to make sure Harry wasn't worried about him, he left to work and acted as if everything was normal. The routine went as planned, Louis always loving the small kisses he got and he even got an ‘I love you too’ as well, which seemed forced, but Louis was okay with it. He just needed to hear it. One more time.

He had gone to his last appointment of the month, the doctor clearly seeing no hope in Louis. The doctor gave him the best and made sure to advise Louis to rest peacefully so he wouldn't die in such a pain that would hurt when he died. Louis had already told his family, all of them having come over when Harry out at some meeting or friends get together Harry told him. He couldn't recall. The last few days that Louis had left, Louis signed the papers and left Harry a long, loving note, just to make sure he'd be okay without him.

Louis appreciated how every time when Harry would come from work, he'd scoop Louis up from the couch with a smile and a grunt as well just to tease Louis about him being heavy. He would lay Louis down gentler than usual, wrapping him in his blanket and letting him off to sleep. The second to last day, Louis looked up at the man. “One more day.” Louis smiles and Harry didn't smile this time. He only gave a half one, not too happy about finally getting what he wanted.

Throughout the month that Louis wanted his wish to just be carried and tucked into bed like he did every night from the night they started dating, Harry really enjoyed it. At first, he didn't like it, but every night he did it, he almost felt like he was falling in love again. All over again with Louis. Some nights he'd look at him and just think back to when they were younger and would talk all night about school or getting married and living happily. Harry never thought about the divorce when he put Louis down every night. When it was the last day of their little ‘contract’, Louis made sure the papers were on the dresser under a little vase with a rose in it. He hoped Harry would like it because the rose was orange, which were Harry's favorite color of rose.

He was already in bed when he arranged everything, somehow feeling like this was it. This was the end. He wouldn't see Harry anymore and he hoped that once they were officially divorced, Harry would be happy and find what he truly wanted in his life. Which, wasn't Louis. He laid in his bed, his eyes heavy as he tucked himself in, not shedding a single tear as that's what he thought he would've done, but he was leaving in peace. He got what he truly wanted from his husband. To be loved, once again.

When Harry came home from work, there was a giant smile on his face. Tonight wouldn't be the last night. He had brought a dozen roses, white and red just like Louis loved, arranged in a small basket with a ribbon tied around it and an ‘H+L’ crystal letters in the front. Tonight he wanted to win Louis back. He didn't want to any longer divorce him. The nights he got to spend with him, just those little 5 seconds made up for a lifetime. He arrived home, Harry practically bursting through the door.

“Louis, I wanted to-“ Harry says and furrows his brows as Louis wasn't waiting for him in his usual spot. He figured he was getting ready for bed or something so he went upstairs, seeing the lamp of the room on. Harry tip toed inside slowly, confused as Louis was already tucked into bed, his head lying limply on the pillow. He saw the orange rose, confused. He saw the divorce papers, Louis’ frail and messy handwriting over where his name should be. “Love… Louis,” Harry says and grabs the note that was placed under the small vase. He picks it up with a shaky hand, reading over it.

‘ _Hi, Haz. Im sure you're wondering why I wasn't where I waited for you every night this month. I didn't want to wait for you tonight. It felt hard knowing that after a month of you just tucking me in, it made me realize how much I truly loved you and how much I miss our years together. I know it's been a rough year and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for sneaking around sometimes, lying, not telling you where I really was. The real reason for all of this was because I had a terminal disease which spread all over my body. The doctor said their could be some type or treatment, but I refused. He said it wasn't going to work well and it would just make me weaker. I thought maybe to wait it out, tell you about it after I officially knew, but then you came out with getting a divorce. It hurt me so much knowing that after 11 years, that's what you really wanted. But, I decided to give it to you. I only ever wanted you happy. I hope once you're reading this note that you're happy. You should be happy because I've left happy. Every night, you did as I asked. You never denied or forgot. I love you for it. So much. Harry. It means the world to me. Now, I've signed your papers and I’m sure it'll go through in no time. I had one month to live and this one month of you making me feel loved again, it really does bring me to tears. I love you, Harry. I never stopped and I probably never would've if you divorced me and I wasn't sick. It's okay and maybe you'll find what you really wanted in life. I love you forever, Harry Styles. Don't worry about me. Goodbye.’_

Harry shakily held the note, turning to Louis in hopes of finding the boy just alive for one more second. “Louis? Louis, babe.” Harry says, tears streaming down his cheeks from the letting. He looks down at Louis’ practically lifeless pale body, grabbing his hands and feeling the warmth he used to feel… gone. “No, Louis, please.” He cries and gets on the bed. “Baby, I’m so sorry. Louis, fuck,” He cried even louder, dropping his head to Louis’ chest. “I love you, I love you so much.” He chokes out, breathing shakily as he kept crying, squeezing Louis’ cold, limp hands. “I'm sorry. I should've asked instead of assuming.” He whispers, looking down at him. “I-I'm sorry.” He whispers, cupping his cheek, staring at his beautiful, peaceful face. He lost the only person he ever loved and all because Harry thought he didn't love him anymore. Harry regretted it, but at the same time, Louis left happy. Sadly, Harry did not get to say goodbye and neither did he ever knew of what happened to him. He wishes he did. He breathes heavily, just holding Louis there for a few moments, reading over the note and crying even more, wishing Louis’ voice could be reading it instead of his own pitiful one. Louis just wanted him happy. Always

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry. i just needed my sad little heart filled.


End file.
